Eagle Harbor Congregational Church, UCC
Sermon preached by Rev. Emily Tanis-Likkel
July 18, 2010
1 Samuel 20:1-17
Walking with God
Cultivating Friendship
David was on the run for his life. He had evaded King Saul's spear once already, and was not hoping to meet it again. Although David was simply doing what the King asked of him, he could not please him. As David experienced increased success in battle, Saul became more and more angry, jealous that a poor no-name man would be so blessed by God, and chosen by God to be the next King. Jonathan, Saul's son and the rightful heir to the throne, willingly hands over his weapons and robe to David, demonstrating not jealousy but covenant love. The two pledged loyalty and friendship to each other, David promising that Jonathan would be his second-in-command when he took the throne. He promised that he would always protect Jonathan's family no matter what happened.
In today's reading, David went to Jonathan and lamented, why is your father trying to kill me? What have I done? Jonathan had previously stood up for David, asking his father to please leave him alone. Saul had agreed, but was pursuing him again. My father has said he will leave you alone, assured Jonathan, he would tell me if his plans are otherwise. But Jonathan, David said, he knows we are friends, would he really tell you if he still plans to take my life? Jonathan vowed, Whatever you say, I will do for you. So they made a plan. Jonathan would tell his father that David was unable to make it to dinner, because of an obligation back with his own people. His father's reaction would surely indicate his intentions. If he was no longer angry, he would be understanding. If he was still angry, David not showing up for dinner would certainly tip him over the edge. Then Jonathan would go out to the field for some archery practice. He would call out to his servant, letting him know where the arrows fell. Unbenownest to the servant, it would serve as a code to David who would be hiding in the woods. Beside the trees! David was safe. Beyond the trees! David must flee.
The plan worked. When Jonathan explained to his Father that David would not be at dinner, he was furious. Not only did he pledge to kill David, he threw a spear toward his own son when he stuck up for his friend. Jonathan went out and shot the arrows and called out the warning: beyond the trees! After the servant left, Jonathan found David and they wept in their embrace, they knew that they had to say good-bye to each other if David's life was to be preserved.
Last week I began a series on Walking with God. We explored the story of Jesus feeding the multitudes, and the idea that acts of compassion and hospitality are based on trust in God's abundance. This week, through the story of David and Jonathan, we will see how walking with God enables us to practice covenant love.
Jonathan and David entered into a sacred trust, pledging that they would love each other always. They would seek the needs of the other before their own. They would protect each other and the family of each other. “Whatever you say, I will do for you.”
Lynn Campbell, a 100 year old member of our church, is grieving the loss of his wife Alyce. When I visited him last week, he told me stories about growing up in North Carolina. At the age of eight he was working in his family's grain mill. His youth was spent not playing with other kids, but with work, and he enjoyed it. Despite not having any neighbors close by, he had a constant friend and companion. He said to me, “people never asked 'why do you bring your dog everywhere you go?' because it was clear that I wasn't bringing my dog with me, my dog came with me. My mom didn't need to worry when I left the house, because she knew that my dog would protect me. Once when she and I came upon a bird that was in a hole in the ground, my dog stopped in her tracks and stood silently, knowing that I would not want the bird to be disturbed. She would have given her life for me in a second.
Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you say, I will do for you.” The loyalty they had for each other ran deep. Jonathan pledged to tell David of his father's intentions, no matter if it would cause his own death. David promised that he would always love Jonathan and look out for the best interests of his family, even if his own family became persectued.
Lynn told another story about a time when he was a boy and walking along outdoors, and suddenly a small bird landed right on his foot and didn't move. He wondered what that bird was thinking, when a hawk suddenly swooped down after the bird, spotted Lynn, and sailed back up into the sky. The little bird stayed still on his foot for another 30 seconds or so before flying off. Lynn felt an indescribable emotion, a sense of heaven colliding with earth when he realized that he was the bird's protector.
It is no small responsibility to be counted on. It is also no small privilege. When times are difficult, hopefully we will turn to friends, and they will turn to us. Marge Studurus was a loyal and faithful friend to many. Her son Rolle reminsced about her close friendship with Frances Roberts through the years, and how they exchanged funny cards with each other. Marge was also not one to hold back from saying what she thought. That truthfulness and transparency is what makes covenant friendship go deep. Jonathan said to David, “ . . . If I knew that it was decided by my father that evil should come upon you, would I not tell you?” David could count on Jonathan, and Jonathan on David. They were there for each other, to tell the truth, to hold one another up, let their walls down and be real. The worship gathering last Sunday evening in the youth room was such a precious time for deep sharing. Over a meal, stories were shared about coming to faith, about the desire for authentic relationships, about beliefs and passions. One person said, we should do this every month. Another said, how about every week? When we share some of ourselves with another, and find that we are truly listened to and loved, and when we are given a glimpse of another's soul, sacred gifts have been exchanged. We sang, “When two or three are gathered in my name you are there, you are there.”
Maybe you've the saying, If you want to have a friend, you need to be a friend. It sounds obvious. But how often do we broken humans pitifully wait to be befriended, when we could take the initiative ourselves? How often do we miss an opportunity for friendship because we don't take the time to let the connection take root. Last Wednesday morning when I was riding on the ferry to see Marge, not realizing she had already died, I sat facing the water and pulled out my hand-held device to make notes about friendship for my upcoming sermon. But then the lady two seats over kept trying to engage me in conversation. She was in her seventies, wearing sweats and a bandana around her white hair. She had an exuberant and friendly voice. I responded to her gentle persistence in a friendly way, but not without the typical Northwestern reserve. But being friendly is not the same as being a friend. The irony of what I was working on and the situation I was in was not lost on me. I gave in, tucked my phone back in my bag, dropped my wall, and turned toward the woman, looked right into her smiling blue eyes. She told me about how grateful she was that her hair was growing back, how awful chemo and radiation are, and how breathtaking was Mt. Ranier. I'm on my way to visit someone in the hospital, I told her. I met her doctor yesterday and she was so incredibly compassionate. Yes, I have kids, 7 and 3. I agree, obituaries are usually so dull – why don't people write more passion and life into them? Avoiding politics and religion, withholding names but showing a bit of our souls, we talked all the way to Seattle. By that time I couldn't believe I had hesitated. What a remarkable woman. Feisty and talkative, reminding me a bit of Marge Studurus. I hated to say good-bye. As we shook hands, she asked about the friend I was visiting, is she a friend, she probed? Then I told her my vocation. A huge smile spread across her face. She leaned toward me, whispering, I'm a retired Presbyterian minister. We got such a kick out of each other, that both of us had purposefully not revealed our vocation, wanting to be seen for who we were apart from our stoles. She was over 40 years older than me but she practically sprinted as we climbed the hill to the number 12 bus, talking about authentic relationships and church and pastoral care. On the bus, we talked about Communion and exchanged contact information. Off the bus, we embraced and blessed each other. We thanked each other for the gift we received that day in each other. We parted, she called out, “I'm going to study liturgical dance” striking a pose. “I want to see you again!” I called back. Friends, whether brand-new friendships or lifetime bonds, are those who see each other as they are. They bless each other, they embrace, they affirm and encourage. They celebrate each other's accomplishments.
Jonathan said to David:“Go in peace, since both of us have sworn in the name of the Lord, saying, ‘TheLord shall be between me and you, and between my descendants and your descendants, forever.’”
Sometimes our heart aches when we think of our friends, because of those who are far away, or have died, or those relationships where there is unresolved hurt. Jonathan and David knew that they wouldn't be able to embrace again until Saul's death, assuming that they both stayed alive that long. They parted knowing that God was between them, would always be present to join them, and their descendents together. A close friend of mine is moving to Minnesota in two weeks. She and I have helped each other raise our kids, we've cooked for each other's families, we've taken care of which ever one of us is sick at any given time. I will still see her. But I will not be able to pop over to help if she is in a crisis. We won't spontaneously spend the day together. But God will always be between us, holding us together even when we are geographically distant.
Friendship that is rooted in covenant love can stand the tests of distance, of misunderstanding and difference of opinion, it can stand tall even in the face of death. Do you have this kind of friendship? If you do, thank God and thank your friend. If you don't, ask God for the opportunity to share your soul with another. Covenant love, such as Jonathan and David shared, is a sacred trust. May we cultivate this kind of friendship in our lives. Seeking the needs of our friend before our own, offering loyalty, protection, truthfulness, transparency and blessing. May we nurture our friendships, rooted in our walk with God, nourished by the Spirit, in thanksgiving, letting them flourish.